CAUS

Member Commentary

Dear Mr. Short Gray Entity

Cathy (cathyn@n-link.com) writes:

I am an abductee, and I do not know for certain whether "they" are good or bad. What I do know is that the secrecy that surrounds this entire UFO/Abduction scenario is absolutely destructive, and has greatly added to our suffering. Yes, at times the events in an abduction are terrifying. At other times I feel that "they" are holding up a "mirror" to us as a species, and I do not always like what I see. We can be our own worst enemy. I feel certain that there are those in powerful and high places who know the "truth," and are desperate to keep that "mirror" hidden for as long as possible, to keep us (the "sheeple") in the dark and shrouded in secrecy. Ask yourself this: "If suddenly we could read each other's thoughts and there were no more secrecy, what would be lost and what would be gained?"

"The Truth shall set you Free."

A few months ago I went to see the movie "The Sixth Sense." The little boy in the movie reminded me so much of my own son, who is only 8 years old. He struggles much the same with the unusual "phenomena" that he experiences, sees, and draws pictures of. Watching that movie, it really hit me hard what it must be like for him. He is still afraid to go anywhere alone day or night in our home, and he won't sleep alone. He draws pictures of what he "sees" and experiences, and tells me about his "dreams." I listen to him and reassure him the best that I can. Will he live his life a victim of the "secrecy"? Only the Truth shall truly set us Free.

The only way I am able to cope with all of this is to sometimes write down my feelings. So, in the wee hours of the morning when I can't sleep, this is what I wrote:

Dear Mr. Short Gray Entity,

I need to talk to you in "my time," when I am in full use of my facilities, as I have SO many questions for you! I have seen you many, many times in my life. My first memory was when I was very little, perhaps 3 or 4, when you came into my room at night and stood at the foot of my bed with two or three of your buddies. You would magically make my ceiling disappear and a beautiful night sky full of twinkling stars would appear. You would fly a "kite" on a long shiny string that stretched up into that sky and beckon me to slide up the string with you. In my childlike wonder, I thought you were magical, and my "friend."

When I told my mother, she said it was only a dream, even though I insisted that it was not. I began to doubt myself, I was no longer sure what was real. After all, I KNEW you were real, and what happened, happened. And if the grown-ups said that you weren't real, then maybe other things I knew to be real, really weren't either.

Years passed, and I regarded your presence in my life as curious things that happened to me, of which I did not talk about, because it seemed that no one understood. I was totally unaware of UFOs, aliens, or abductions, I had not made the connection. I always felt "different," I did not understand why. There was a spiritual side to me that was unusual for a child. Was this because of your influence? Or was it in response to my trying to cope?

My life, being 99% "normal," took the usual path. I grew up, married, and eventually had two wonderful children. I loved them more than life itself, being "mommy" was the only thing I ever felt I really shined at, and I loved every minute of it. I hardly ever thought of you, I kept you in the dark recesses of my subconscious. There, but not really there. Still, I was blissfully unaware of the weight of your presence in my life. I was too busy living my life.

Then, one night in 1994, you came crashing into my life. I am not sure whether it was intentional on your part that I saw you there in my bedroom, or if it was just a "fluke" because the sound of the electricity cutting off at my house woke me up. You see, now that I was a Mother, I slept much more lightly. I only saw you and your two buddies for a few seconds in "my time," long enough to have to move my arm to see the rest of your face and to scream as I felt my heart freeze in terror. It felt like only an instant had passed, and then everything was back to "normal." In reality, I had fresh recall of what had just transpired. I remembered pieces of my abduction before it slipped behind the "veil." I have not forgotten those memories. They are just as real and vivid to me as my first day of school, or the birth of my children.

I have no explanation for why I did not go insane that night, being there alone with my two young children in a totally dark house. Still, UFOs, aliens, and abductions were not a part of my interests. I remained blissfully unaware. I retained those memories, and tried hard to place what had just happened to me. I just could not put my finger on it. It seemed things were right there, just beyond my reach, and I could not recall them in their entirety. Somehow, you are able to place that "veil" over these memories.

It was weeks later that I began to slowly try to understand what had happened that night. I KNEW something had happened, I SAW you there at the foot of my bed. It was a long process to get to the realization of what had really happened, what you really were. I had wanted to disprove to myself what you were, and I read a book about alien abductions. I had a very hard time with it, even ripping off the front cover so I would not have to look at it. Instead of disproving to myself what you were, I got an uneasy confirmation. This rocked my world in ways unimaginable. Whatever "veil" you had placed on my emotions about my memories, gave way to total and utter fear. Fear unlike any I have ever known. It nearly destroyed me. I actually WANTED to be crazy, at least that way I could be assured that you were not real, and would not be back. It has been a long, long road. My world came crashing down around me. I did not know what to believe in anymore, what to trust. My life was turned upside down. I went through a divorce. I wanted to die, to escape this terrible fear and pain. I had to live for my children. Yes, my children, whom told me about you, drew pictures of you. It has come full circle. I did not want to accept that they were involved in this also, but eventually had no choice. I was totally devastated. There was no place left to go but up. I have struggled to rebuild my life. In the process, I have become so much stronger, like a Phoenix rising out of the ashes. I no longer see the world through self-centered eyes as much, I know that there is more, so much more. Is this growth I have experienced directly connected to you? Or is it a result of my struggle to cope? You seem to know just how far to push me, you can take me right to the edge and then stop before I go over. You then leave me there to struggle on my own. You give me no easy answers, I must search for them. At times I hate you for this, because it so incredibly hard and I feel so alone.

You take me and show me the most wondrous things, you tell me things that fill my soul with such awe. Then you leave me down here, to look up at the night sky and long for that which I have known. I am alone. I did not ask for this, yet I am forced to keep this secret from those who would ridicule me, who do not understand. I feel that I do not belong in either place, not "up there" nor here below. I struggle daily to protect my children, the innocence of their childhood. I do not want to bungle the way in which I handle this with my them, yet the only guide I have to go by is my heart.

When I see you, dear Mr. Gray entity, I look into your eyes and know that I have known you a very long time. My soul recognizes you.

I am here, struggling for answers, answers I fear will never come. Is it useless to beg for your help? Somehow I know that this is an awakening that must come slowly, a journey that must be taken.

And, so, I am here.



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