CAUS

Member Commentary

Fear of Regression

TJT (rndlflag@gte.net) writes:

I don't know why I always feel this way but I know in the deepest recesses of my being that time is running out. I don't understand this feeling. It might be something wonderful or something not so wonderful but I know that we are all waking up to a very important truth. I can't stress the point enough that I have no conscious memories of these experiences but the harder I try to remember, the more confusing it becomes.

"How can we help you to stop screaming?" After getting past the initial fear when I remember those words I feel that I don't need help, but I need to help others deal with this. I am not qualified to do this but I do feel that I can in some way help. This is just a feeling.

I am totally reluctant to be regressed because of the negative press that the subject generates. Also I am a little, or a lot afraid of the memories that will surface. This is huge and I can actually feel the memories waiting to be brought forward but I do not to just open up and let it flow because somewhere inside I know it will overload me and possibly damage me in some way. How does one remember repressed events in ones life a little at a time. Sort of like a controlled explosion I guess. I am a very analytical man and I nave this need to understand everything and analyze it and make sense of things. I know that it will take time to get my mind satisfactorily around this enigma. If it all comes out at once I truly feel that it might destroy some part of me that hasn't been developed fully yet. Do you have any theories on controlled recall? I have to know what is happening because I feel so vulnerable not knowing. The funny thing is that I do know but it is all blocked up inside my mind somewhere. The only way I can describe it is like being in a nightmare and not knowing what is on the other side of the door. It scares the hell out of me and intrigues me at a very visceral level. I simply need to open the door just a little and have a look inside. I don't think I can control the rush of memories that await. So I wait and think and wait and think. I don't think the fear is self imposed. It seems somehow a part of this whole thing. It is like the more I want the truth, the more fear and confusion I experience. It seems like the authors of this grand plan don't want me to know yet. I must emphasize the word yet.

Here is another bit of information for you. My three year old daughter tells me about dreams that she has about two friends named Jason and Jeremy that play with her in her dreams. She has told me this on numerous occasions since she was about two years old. Here is the best part. When we went to the Pamona Fair she started jumping up and down saying, "Dad there's Jeremy and Jason, there's Jeremy and Jason. When I looked where she was pointing I saw a typical gaming booth to win goldfish or something like that. They also had these 18" little alien like stuffed toys with elliptical eyes and black hooded capes. I was so awestruck by just seeing these little guys that I didn't feel normal all day afterwards. Needless to say I had to win her one and she loves him so much. My one year old is deathly afraid of it but it might just be a normal reaction for a one year old. I still have to question her strong reaction to this little guy. My wife thinks I have completely lost it so I have not ever talked to her in detail about my experiences but she does get all wierded out when my oldest one talks about Jason and Jeramy. Even to the point of telling her to stop talking about them.

Sorry again to be so lengthy in my writing but I have so much more to tell you. So much more.

Good luck to you and fight the good fight for those of us that have been bound and gagged by society, the government and lets not forget the negative media attention bestowed upon this wonderful and scary subject. To label someone as maladjusted or abused or just plain crazy without knowing the facts involved is probably the saddest part of this whole thing. It makes one feel not welcome in the "normal" world.

We are not special people and the people that act as prophets from the stars further the publics suspicions that this all just a bunch of wackos losing there minds at the same time. That in itself belies the true magnitude of all this. Too many people report the same things to fall into the realm of pure chance. The injustice and damage done by these "Self-proclaimed special people" is immeasurable and tragic.



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